


Seeing Through the Scars

by SisterxCiricexTheatrical



Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Chocolate, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29453103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SisterxCiricexTheatrical/pseuds/SisterxCiricexTheatrical
Summary: A Sister of Sin is having moments of doubt as to her place in the Clergy. Cardinal Copia knows just how to soothe her mind from these tormenting thoughts.Prompts: Hurt/Comfort and Chocolate
Relationships: Cardinal Copia & Original Female Character(s), Cardinal Copia/Fem!Reader, Cardinal Copia/Reader, Cardinal Copia/Sister(s) of Sin
Kudos: 5
Collections: Ghost BC Valentine's Bingo 2021





	Seeing Through the Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! This fic is is written for the Ghost BC Valentine's Bingo 2021, held by the Tumblr page Ghost BC Fandom Events. Definitely give their page a peek and follow because it is such a lovely community there! The squares I ended up using were "Hurt/Comfort," and "Chocolate".
> 
> I also want to give a shoutout to some of the fabulous humans on the Ghost BC Fandom Events Discord who helped me figure out what our lovely Cardinal would wear to bed. You all know who you are, and I thank you for your input and inspiration! 
> 
> Quick note: There are trigger warnings of anxiety, anxiety/panic attacks, and references of depression within the story. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Sister was spending another night lying awake in bed, staring up at her dark ceiling. Her mind was racing with thoughts she wished would stay quiet, and stop the feeling of dread coursing through her body. She knew this was only in her mind, a simple anxiety attack as some would say. But anxiety is never so simple. The scars of her past life held onto her ever since she was a young woman, and her depression tried constantly to hold her back from embracing her true nature inside. She thought coming here to the Clergy would help her finally be who she was, but it seemed even here, she did not fit in. Sure, she found a few members she became close friends with, and yet, it seemed every other Sister of Sin didn't want anything to do with her. Even when working beside them on daily tasks or simply passing them in the halls, they turned up their noses at her and whispered cruel things behind her back. She could only guess where their actions stemmed from. She was from the outside, coming from a family and community who weren't as open minded as her. Then again, her other thought was of her place with one of the head Clergy members. Someone she stood beside as an equal, while her fellow Sisters watched in envy, seething it was not one of them beside him. 

She flipped to her side and closed her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the growing lump in her throat. While attempting to sleep for the tenth time, her mind slowly wandered to him. Cardinal Copia was the one who asked her to come here. He saw her mind and soul, and knew she could grow here beautifully. She was to be a beacon for those who wanted to accept themselves after a lifetime of suppression. Ever since her studies began, he had taken her under his wing. He was so kind and attentive, assisting in her transition to life in the Clergy as best as he could on top of his already hectic duties as the new Cardinal in the abbey.

At the same time, it was evident their relationship was far more than a close friendship. She was his companion, by his side when he so asked for it. They advised each other, and above all, pleasured each other in their secret desires. He gave her so much, allowing her to explore her passions that she held inside for so long. She was bonded to him, never wanting to let go for fear she would lose herself again. With their strong, lustful appetites, it became so evident that there was talk of them being the "it couple" within the community. . 

She would cross oceans of fire for this man. Yet deep down, she still wondered if she was enough for him. He was so worldly and charming. Sure, he was also a bit awkward, but he made up for it with his charisma and his lust for life. He was an utter catch to be had with any Clergy member, and he could have anyone he so choose. Then why her? She knew the other members were completely in touch with their carnal desires and emotions. She saw how the majority of them pined for him; sending him small presents, filling his wine during dinner, and glancing suggestively during the Masses. Any of them could give him as much as he craved and more. 

Her mind danced around these thoughts until she realized hot tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. As if on cue, next came the knots in her stomach. These familiar knots that caused distress and self-consciousness, causing a dull pain that felt like simmering coals in her core. Finally, the voice began in her head began.

_"You're nothing...why are you even here in the first place?"_

_"You're an impostor and they know it!”_

_“They don’t want you here. **He** doesn’t want you here…”_

_“You’re nothing but his little whore. A plaything he will dispose of once he’s had his fill…”_

It was at that moment when her heart felt like bursting. She couldn’t take the voices and the pain anymore. She knew she needed him. Even just to be in his calming presence, she needed him. She tossed the covers from her body, swung her legs over to the side of the bed, and put her slippers on. She glanced at her clock – 11:33pm. _He must be still awake,_ she thought to herself. He was practically a nocturnal animal anyway after every evening Mass. Once her slippers were secure, she moved to the dresser for her silk robe, hastily throwing it over her nightgown. She then took her keys as she carefully opened the door. The dormitory hallway was dim, with a low light coming from the stairwell. She snuck out, gently closing and locking the door as to not disturb the other Sisters sleeping in different rooms, and she began to quietly run to her destination.

Her feet practically made her fly as she went down the flights of stairs, through the corridors, and out one of the dormitory’s side entrances. The knots in her stomach didn’t subside as she ran as fast as her feet could carry her to him. Her nerves had her on edge, making her glance behind every other second to make sure she was entirely alone. Then, as she ran across the chapel courtyard, she finally came upon the humble, but imposing rectory. This was where all the head Clergy members resided, including the Cardinal. No one of the lower Clergy was allowed inside unless you were invited. Or, in Sister’s case, if you had a key. She pulled her keys out again, and reached for the one shaped like a skull. It was a small present Copia gave her on their fourth night together.

_Keep this safe, Belladonna,_ his voice tingled in the back of her mind as she remembered that night, _If you ever need me, use this key and you will always be allowed behind these doors to come to me._

She trembled at the memory as she inserted the key into the lock. As if by magic, the lock clicked and the door opened with ease. She timidly closed the door behind her, and taking a deep breath, she made her way to the foyer stairs to go to the fourth floor. As she climbed, her mind wandered to the anxious thoughts of Copia. _What if he is with someone?_ she thought. He would have told her immediately if someone was to be in his chambers this evening, but he could have forgotten, especially if the decision was one in haste.

Even though she and Copia were inseparable, they did discuss that if either chose to, they would be able to see other people, since it was a norm among others in the community. However, no matter how many Brothers, Ghouls, or even a few Sisters asked her to spend a night with them, she only ever really wanted to be with him. Sharing was not an issue, but should Copia have another person with him this evening, she would leave quietly because to her, she was bothering an engagement that would cause the other two parties distress.

Sister finally reached the fourth floor landing and as she turned the right corner, she came face to face with his apartment door. She listened carefully, thinking she did not hear any noise from inside. However, the crack in on the bottom of the door made it clear no lights were on inside. She hesitated, believing he must have been asleep, but a positive, little voice out of her clouded mind said she should still knock. Carefully, she approached the door, and once she was close, rapped her knuckle lightly on the wood. She stood in silence, hoping he would come soon. She nervously played with her lace cuffs and shifted in place as the nerves in her stomach began to throb again.

_He’s not coming…_ the antagonizing voice began again. _He doesn’t want you here, stupid girl._

Shaking the thought to the back of her mind, she knocked again, but quicker and a little louder. _Please_ , she said to herself, _Please come…_

For what seemed like an eternity, waiting to hear some fumbling or a light to appear through the door crack, her heart sank to the reality of what was happening.

_Not coming…_ the voice mocked internally.

She let out a shaking breath as she turned away, resigning herself to be alone for the rest of the evening. Suddenly, a latch click occurred and the door flung open.

“ _Bella_?!”

She turned, and saw Copia in the doorway. His hair was disheveled and wet. Around his body was only a towel that he was trying to hold up. Her focus finally moved to his face, a look of concern crossing it. She also couldn’t figure out what was off about him until she realized he was not wearing his usual black eye makeup. She had never seen his face this bare before.

“ _Bella_?” he said again, “What’s the matter, my dear?”

“I…” Sister fumbled to find the right words. She didn’t know what to think. Was he actually with someone? Why was he so wet? Her thoughts ran 100 miles a minute.

Copia adjusted the towel so that it rested at his hips. “Forgive me, _Bella_. I did not hear you knocking at first, or I would have answered…”

“I’m bothering…” she spoke at last. “I’m…I’m sorry. I’ll just-“ She began to turn away again, hiding her face so that he wouldn’t see her crying.

“What?!” She suddenly felt his hand on her shoulder, as he turned her around to face him. “ _Bella_ , look at me…”

He tucked his finger under her chin, and tilted her face so their eyes met.

“ _Belladonna_ …you’re crying, _mia bellezza_ …” he spoke sadly, “Your eyes are as red as my cassock!”

She sniffled and looked down, feeling two tears slide down her cheeks. It was then she felt his soft fingers gently wipe her tears away, and brought her to face him again.

“What has hurt you, little one?” he asked gently, “or was it a who?”

She saw his eyes become somewhat dark and stern, perhaps thinking of what he would do if someone had done something to break her.

“No,” Sister whispered, shaking her head, “Nothing like that…It’s just…my mind and soul is weak this evening. I’m feeling so lost…” 

Her voice trailed off, not knowing what else to say. But his gaze softened, and he moved his hands to caress her upper arms soothingly.

“ _Mia_ _Bella_ …come inside,” he softly commanded, “You’ll be more comfortable, I assure you.”

Without even an answer, Copia led her inside and quickly shut the door. Sister looked around at the darkened apartment. Even when it wasn’t fully lit, it still was a familiar, comforting place to be.

“You’ll have to excuse my appearance,” he continued, “I was taking a bath, and once I got out, I thought I heard the door. But I didn’t think of it right away until you knocked again. Almost scared me out of my wits!”

He stopped before realizing the last statement may have offended her. “Not you of course!” he spoke nervously, “Just the noise gave me bit of a fright, heh!”

Sister’s mind clicked as she processed all that he had just said. Now it all made sense as to why he was so wet and didn’t answer the door immediately. She couldn’t believe how much she let her anxious mind write a narrative that wasn’t true.

“You…You were _bathing_?” she asked timidly, a sad smile forming on her lips. 

He chuckled, smoothing his hair back with his fingers. “ _Si_! Why, of course, _Bella_! What did you think I was up to?”

She bit her bottom lip and looked down, knotting her fingers in between each other. “Nothing really,” she said quietly.

Copia looked upon her fondly. He always knew when she was hiding her thoughts from him, but he didn’t mind. He could always read her like a book, and he had learned very quickly the signs for when she was having an anxious mind. He knew those feelings all to well himself, and he would never wish such hurt on anyone as wonderful as his _Belladonna_.

He slowly approached her, reaching to tuck a bit of hair back behind her ear. Almost instinctively, she wrapped her arms around him as he entwined around her as well. She nuzzled his chest, taking in the scent of sweet, luscious patchouli on his skin. Even in her happiest of moments, she somehow always found solace in his arms. It was then she felt him press long, soft kisses into her hair. She slowly moved her head up , and he moved his hands to hold her face. The light pressure and warmth as his hands caressed her cheeks as his kisses moved to her forehead soothed her mind.

“My _Belladonna_ …” he whispered, one hand now petting her head, while the other moved to caress the curves of her back. “Everything is all right…You’re here now, and nothing in the world will harm you.”

He turned her head to his lips, and gently touched hers to his. Sister melted at his kiss. She treasured this soft, gentle feeling the most from him. They were comforting, inspiring, and something that felt it was only reserved for her.

He gently pulled away and gazed into her eyes. “Now that you are here, _Bella_ , what would you like to do this evening?”

Sister thought for a moment. Sure, she would not turn down a night of passion with Copia. But in reality, all she wanted was his natural touch in the form of cuddling.

“Copia…” she sighed out, “could we just…umm…can I sleep and rest with you this evening? I was hoping we could just…snuggle with each other?”

He blinked, possibly wondering if he had heard her correctly. “Snuggling? Is that all my _Bella_ wants this evening?”

She nodded gently. “Then that is what she shall have!” he smiled as he booped her nose sweetly. He then took her hand as he began to lead her down the hall. “Come…let’s get you more comfortable.”

It only took a moment before he brought her to the bedroom. Sister saw he was burning incense, a sweet myrrh glowing from the tip. The lights were dimmed as a few taper candles burned on the dresser. The bed was turned down, just waiting for someone to find rest in it.

“Here we are,” he said, gently removing her robe and ushering her to lie down. She stepped out of her slippers and hopped right onto his soft mattress. As she found the most perfect spot and settled in, Copia moved to her side and tucked the covers around her.

“Now, if you don’t mind, let me slip into something more _appropriate_ , eh?” he said, kissing her nose softly. “Shall I wear you favorite boxers this evening?”

She giggled lightly. “If you would like,” she responded. He nodded, and moved to his wardrobe. He fumbled through the drawers until he found the pair of boxers she loved the most. Crimson boxer briefs with golden outlines of small rats scattered about.

He turned his head and made direct eye contact with her. “Pardon me, _signorina_ …” he implied, “No peeking…” Sister smiled mischievously, knowing what he was going to do, and put her hands over her eyes. In one swift move, he dropped the towel. Once she heard the fabric softly hit the ground, she took a tiny peek from behind her fingers to see Copia slowly put the boxers on over his exquisite and taught derrière.

“Now you may look,” he confirmed as he turned around, modeling the underwear for her. “Perfect?”

“Very much,” Sister confirmed, reaching out to him to be beside her again.

He approached and sat downr, taking her hands and placing kisses onto them. “Why don’t I make us some tea, hm? I have the most delicious tea, just came in today from Italy. I think you will like it very much…”

Her heart melted at this generous offer. “I certainly won’t say not to that, _signore_ ,” she said blushing.

Copia’s eyes dilated at this. His pupils becoming almost like two onyx jewels.

“Mhmm, _Belladonna_ ,” he purred, closing a distance between them and hovering his lips over hers, “When you speak my language, I could just eat you up with how delicious you are…”

He pressed two, delectable kisses to her lips before reluctantly sliding himself from the bed. “ I will be right back. Don’t move, _si_?”

She laughed and nodded. She definitely was not going anywhere anytime soon. He quickly shuffled from the room to head for the kitchen.

It seemed like less time than it was before Copia was back holding two steaming mugs of tea. Sister could smell the lovely scent of lavender and basil wafting from the steam as he handed her the cup.

“Now be careful, _Bella_ ,” he softly warned, setting his mug down on the bedside table, “It is as hot as hellfire.”

Sister smirked at his remark. “Mhm…then I shall more than like it,” she whispered.

Copia chuckled darkly before his eyes widen in another realization. “Ah! I almost forgot, _scusami_!” he exclaimed, sprinting from the room.

Sister heard some rustling around from the kitchen, until she heard his quickened steps again coming down the hall.

“Ta da!” he said, coming through the threshold, “All the way from Italy as well!”

In his hands, he held a very large box with Italian words scrawled across it. “What is that?” Sister asked, putting her mug on her bedside table as she tried to figure out what could be in there.

“Ah, _cioccolatini_ , _mia bellezza_!” Copia exclaimed as he got onto the bed to sit behind her, “Chocolates!”

He unwrapped the box and lifted the lid, watching as Sister marveled at all the beautiful candies inside.

“Sweets for my sweet,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her temple.

“ _Copia_ …” she said breathlessly, “You didn’t have to buy this for me. It must have cost a fortune.”

“Eh, nonsense,” he said nonchalantly, nuzzling the crease between her neck and shoulder, “Nothing is too good for my _angelo securo_.”

Sister turned, and gently leaned in to kiss her Cardinal. She nuzzled his nose, before turning her attention back to the chocolates. She couldn’t decide where to start, and Copia definitely saw this.

“Shall I feed you, _Bella_?” he asked flirtingly, “You lie back and let me take care of everything.”

Gently, he moved her back into the pillows and let her get comfortable. Then, eyeing each of the delicious morsels, he delicately waved his fingers above them until he settled on one with a milk chocolate coating and dark chocolate drizzle.

“Now, I believe this one might be _caramello_ , but you will just have to tell me, eh?” he said, gently moving the chocolate to her lips.

Sister closed her eyes, gently opening her mouth. She slowly took the piece between her lips as they grazed the Cardinal’s fingers.

“Mhmm…” she moaned in delectable pleasure, “Definitely caramel…It’s so _creamy_.”

“Another, _Bella_?” he asked temptingly.

She nodded, and bit her lip as she waited patiently for the next one. Again, hovering his fingers over the chocolates in a show for her, he finally chose an oval dark chocolate with a white fleur de lis design.

“Let’s see if your talented tongue can decide what this one is,” he whispered bring the chocolate to her again.

This time, Sister made eye contact as she brought the chocolate into her mouth, biting it in half. She knew exactly what he was up to. Copia always loved to make simple tasks and actions into pleasurable ones, and this was no different. Nonetheless, it comforted her to know he was doing everything he could in that moment to make her feel less sad.

She closed her eyes again, tasting each flavor it had to offer. The pleasing bitterness of the dark mixed with the subtle sweetness of the white made her skin go gooseflesh as she instantly realized what the delightful third flavor was wrapped inside of it.

“ _Strawberry_ …” she whispered, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

Cardinal cocked an eyebrow as he gazed down at her. _How lovely she looks_ , he thought to himself, _Exhaulted by sweets_. “Would you like the rest?” he asked, holding it above her.

Nodding eagerly, she opened her mouth again and slightly stuck out her tongue as if she was preparing for unholy communion. Slowly, he brought the chocolate down and just when he was about to place it on her tongue, he pulled back and popped the rest into his mouth.

Sister hung her jaw in shock. “No fair!” she exclaimed, as Copia chuckled.

“I could not help myself, _cara_ ,” he mumbled as he chewed the rest of the treat before swallowing, “You know fruit tempts me so.”

“Yes…especially when it’s _forbidden_ ,” she responded, moving her fingers to his chest to caress it. He in turn grasped her hand in his softly. He moved her fingers up to his lips, and left delicate kisses on her fingertips, which made Sister tremble.

Once he was finished, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into in, flush against his warm chest. He rested her head under his chin, as she felt his heart beating underneath her. It was so steady, so calming – some kind of normality to ground her spinning mind. ‘

“Are you feeling any better?” he whispered to her.

She breathed out gently. “I am…” she responded, “Thank you…”

She felt him sigh under her as well, as if in relief that what he was doing was indeed helping her.

“If I may ask, _Belladonna_ ,” he said hesitantly, “what has caused you distress this evening? You said you were feeling ‘lost.’ Why is that?”

Sister paused. Should she really tell him? The fact of the matter that she only had an anxiety attack wasn’t something he really had to be concerned over. But then again, even if she didn’t say anything, he would still somehow figure it how. He just knew her so well by this point.

“I…I suppose I was feeling lost because…” Sister tried to pull the right words to form, but nothing was coming to mind that felt adequate to say. So, she said it in the simplest way possible.

“I have been worried recently that I made a mistake. I keep thinking I should not be here. I shouldn’t have decided to become a Sister of Sin. Everyone here has been raised to worship the Dark Lord, and…I have had much less time where I have accepted him into my soul.”

Not moving her head from his chest, her hands gripped his upper arm as she continued her confession. “I’m scared I don’t have a place here. I never really felt like I had a home, until now, and I’m scared I don’t even belong here as well. I don’t have a place, and that I’m not good enough to be…”

Her voice trailed off as her cheeks began to flush in embarrassment and anxiousness. “Not good enough to be what?” she heard Copia say above her. She buried her head into his chest and shook her head, not wanting to say the awful truth.

Then, she felt him gently move her up so that they came face to face. He held her in his arms as his right hand caressed her. “Not good enough to be _what_ , _Bella_?” he questioned in a gentle, but commanding tone.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting her voice to falter as she held back tears.

“Not good enough to be a Sister,” she confessed, “and not good enough for…” She whimpered, eyes swelling with tears as she turned to his piercing eyes. She saw the look of subtle shock and sadness on his face. She didn’t even have to say the last word for him to know what she was implying.

“ _Belladonna_ …” he whispered sadly, soothingly kissing her forehead before lowering his to touch hers. He held her tightly, not wanting to let her leave his arms any time soon. “Why didn’t you tell me of these thoughts?”

Shaking back the tears, she answered, “I…I didn’t want you to have to worry about me. You’re already so busy, and I know training to become the next Papa has been no easy task. I see how hard you work, how passionate you are in wanting to take up the mantle. I don’t…I don’t want to be a burden to you. I would only be in the way for your advancement. I would be holding you back from higher power. I … I am not _worthy_ of you…”

“No…don’t say that, _Bella_ ,” he uttered sternly. She soon felt him lifting her body from him only to be gently moved back into the pillows. As he gazed down upon her, she could see a slight tint of pink crossing the whites of his eyes as tears formed in the corners.

“Never _ever_ think that I won’t worry about you,” he began, his voice trying not to break as he spoke, “Ever since you came her, the night we first met, I’ve wanted nothing more than for you to feel like you have belonged. I know you may not see it at first. But you have to believe when I say you belong and deserve to be here. I wouldn’t have searched for you, and invited you to come here if I did not think you were a dignified choice.”

“I know it’s hard…hard when you are trying to find your place somewhere so new. But you must know there are those around you who will help you, and raise you up to be the best you can be and will become. Your friends care for you, _cara_. And I…I absolutely _adore_ you, little one.

“You have made life here so much easier, better for me. It is hard work when Papa Nihil doesn’t believe in what I am doing and how I can make this Clergy better. But it’s you who gives me inspiration to keep going. Your kindness and spirit helps me realize I am not doing this for nothing. And I only want that for you, _Bella_. Your sadness is mine, just as much as your happiness is mine.”

He began to softly play with her hair as he held her close to him. “I never want you to think you can’t come to me when you have these thoughts and feelings,” he continued in a hushed voice, “My door is always open to you, and my arms and heart are here to comfort you in times of need. You are not, nor will you ever be a “burden” to me. _You_ come first. I serve the Dark Lord yes, but when it comes to earthly desires, you will always be in my mind first. And even if others come, if others try to steal us from each other, know that I will always come to you again and again. I don’t ever want to let you go, _Belladonna_.”

Sister choked back a sob as she smiled up at him, completely enthralled and touched by all he said. “ _Copia_ …” she whispered longingly, as she reached up to cup his cheek in her hand, “I…I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say a thing, little one,” he replied, his lips hovering over hers, “Just know I will always be your humble servant. Guiding you, protecting you, and worshiping you every chance I have, until the end of days.” He closed the aching gap and pressed a kiss to her plump lips. She wanted the kiss to last forever, but Copia suddenly stopped, moving his lips to her ear as he whispered, “And, in regard to those who dare try to hurt _mio_ _angelo_ , you tell me and I will make sure they know the _consequences_ of their actions.”

Sister laughed softly before saying “That’s a little dark, isn’t it?”

“ _Yes_ …” he purred, nuzzling her temple with his nose, “but you _love it_ when I speak of dark things, eh?” Then, being the rouge he was, he began to suck her earlobe, making her tremble beneath him.

After a moment, he finally moved to gaze upon her again. Sister had the softest gaze in her eyes, and the most calming smile he had ever seen. Her cheeks were a nice, rosy pink, and her lips a beautiful, natural shade of red from his ministrations. She could not have been more beautiful in his eyes.

“Now, why don’t we have a few more of these chocolates, hm?” Copia suggested, “And perhaps a few more sips of tea before it gets too cold. Then, we’ll get nice and cozy under the covers. I’ll play with your hair, give you little kisses, and hold you until you fall into slumber. How does that sound, _mia Belladonna_?”

She nodded happily. As they sat talking and eating the sweets, Sister realized she was at peace for now. Even if the terrible thoughts should come again, she knew she had nothing to fear. She could find comfort knowing she did have a place here, and how much she held a special place in the Cardinal’s heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3!


End file.
